I always look forward to a new year. In 2003, I started making resolutions in November. I was feeling the crunch of not being able to keep up, and I determined to find and correct whatever was making my life seem chaotic. After skimming through some books on organization, overload, margin, priorities, and such, I felt armed to get a handle on life again in 2004.
That’s the last time I remember even skimming through books. I found myself going from project to project, setting magazines aside for “later.” A couple months into 2004, I had an uneasy sense that my problem was much more than lack of organization or margin. I’ve written several posts about that. You can read them by clicking the Lois’ story category and navigating to the June 22, 2005 post. Follow the links at the bottom left of each post to read the posts in order.
By this time last year (2004), I’d finally discovered what the problem was — the worsening of my strabismus. I had struggled through much of the 2004. 2005 would be my year of promise. Now that I knew for sure what the problem was, I could face it head on and get help.
2005 has been a roller-coaster year, as I’ve had my hope renewed over and over, yet at times found what I hoped for didn’t come to pass. In many ways it’s been a difficult year. Often I found the only thing I could do was be patient and wait. The surgery turned out to be not as successful as I’d hoped, and vision therapy was a struggle.
I’ve often wondered at the smile that I’ve felt lighten my face as I considered my plight. It’s a smile that comes from deep inside, so unlike me, yet so real and natural. It’s like I’ve found the answer to a deep secret, the secret of life. I’ve discovered that God wants what is best for me as much as I do, but if I struggle against him he can’t provide it for me. It is peace.
I’m also learning to do the best I can with what I have on my way to “better.” I’m learning to enjoy the security of letting God control my future. I’m learning to look for the silver lining in every dark cloud. I’m learning that even if the future brings problems I didn’t anticipate, I can still find peace and hope. There are still good things to be enjoyed. I shared some similar things in a related post on July 20 of this year.
This year is ending for me on a good note. I had my last weekly vision therapy session Wednesday and did better than I’ve ever done. The therapy along with the newest glasses have really helped me see better. Yet I still have a long way to go, and will continue the therapy at home with periodic followup visits next year.
Now another new year is before us! I’m excited about what 2006 will bring. Yes, it may bring heartache and struggle. But it will also come with it’s own measure of happiness and strength.
I’ve selected the photo of Big Ben at the midnight hour as a featured photo to remind us that the darkness of the midnight always comes before the dawning of a brighter day; and that we can look forward to a new year of hope and promise if we invite God to go into it with us.
Photo credit: Twelve O’clock, Big Ben, The Houses of Parliament, London by Ian Britton ©FreeFoto.com