Holiday gatherings, seasonal job interviews, and Christmas shopping are here again. But what happens when a person with what is commonly referred to as a ‘lazy eye’ enters this mix? Many say adult bullies often whisper and sneer behind their backs, make crude remarks in shopping lines, turn them away without being allowed to interview for a job they know they are qualified to do, ignore them or make them the subject of jokes at social events, and intimidate them at work.
Bullying at the elementary, high school, and college level has been forefront in the news recently. But many with a turned eye report bullying throughout their lives.
I rarely use the term ‘lazy eye,’ because some whose eyes are not aligned together report that others associate ‘lazy eye’ with laziness. However, ‘lazy eye’ is medically used as a synonym for ‘amblyopia,’ which is decreased vision in one eye. Unfortunately, ‘lazy eye’ is also a frequent taunt to harass a person with a turned eye whether or not they have amblyopia.
Feel free to share your struggles and/or solutions as a person with a turned eye dealing with adult bullying or intimidation. No email addresses or private information will be shared without your permission. Our goal is to generate public awareness of how unkind remarks and unfair perceptions destroy the lives of people with turned eyes.
If you are an adult who has been inconsiderate of someone just because their eyes are not aligned, you need to know the pain your moment of fun causes for those you taunt. People are not incompetent or mentally challenged just because their eyes are not looking the same direction. Of course, people who have mental challenges deserve to be treated with dignity as well. But most people with turned eyes are competent and loyal individuals when given a chance. Please treat everyone facing a challenge as you would want to be treated if you were in their place.
For those who would like to offer media support to help foster awareness of the problem faced by those with turned eyes, you may contact me via the email address at the bottom of this page.
References:
- College of Optometrists in Vision Development (COVD)
- American Association for Pediatric Ophthalmology and Strabismus (AAPOS)
Photo courtesy Sibaudio
Lois,
I’m 29 years old with strabismus and a brian tumor, at the age of 23 I was diagnose with a brain tumor on my optic nerve. After treatment I noticed my eye right eye starting to shift out more to the right. At that moment life started to change for me people started looking at me different, I think it made a big difference when going on interviews, also in my personal life I did not date or was asked out on dates.
So in 2009 I started a foundation for children and adults with strabismus, to help with surgery cost, support groups and self-esteem camp for fitness and nutrition for children and adults.
September of this 2010, I had strabismus surgery I think the result are great its not perfect but what is. Reading your blog really touched me my goal for 2011 is to meet more people who have strabismus so we can come together for a good cause. Please feel free to email me back admin@yeahfoundationinc.org
Latoya,
I’m glad you are allowing your struggles to make you a better person, and using them to reach out and help others rather than letting them overcome you. I found your Facebook page for YEAH Foundation, and “liked” you. I don’t keep up very well at Facebook, though!
Since you are interested in meeting others with Strabismus, you may want to join our Eyes Apart Strabismus Support group at Yahoo, also:
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/EyesApart/
I look forward to hearing good things about your organization!
Lois
Hi! I’m 18 and I’ve had strabismus all my life. Luckily (or unluckily) I also have terrible vision, so I’ve been wearing glasses since I was aged one to correct my vision and my strabismus. No one knows about my “cross-eyed”-ness because I always wear glasses, but it’s really sad we have a bad reputation. Even though my friends etc don’t know about my condition, they are prone to make remarks about it on others whenever such a situation arises. I don’t personally know of any others afflicted with a similar condition, but I’m glad there’s this community to help. I wish everyone the best!
Dear Lois et al:
Several weeks ago, I learned about the book “Fixing My Gaze” by Sue Barry, a scientist with strabismus who claims she gained stereopsis in middle age using an aggressive program of vision therapy.
http://www.fixingmygaze.com/
Last weekend, I finally read “Fixing My Gaze” myself. Its scientific explanations of how our brains are likely affected by strabismic vision are very interesting and informative, and I recommend it at least for this reason alone. However, I’m now debating the vision-therapy issue for myself.
Why? I have REAL problems not actually seeing but mentally processing what I call “visual clutter,” especially in GUI software programs such as Google Calendar, Mac OS X and above, and Microsoft Office 2007, many of which I have to use at work. I believe this problem is partially due to strabismus/suppression and partly due to “sensory integration” problems, and grows worse as more software is programmed to have a graphics-intensive, multicolor, 3D, and “airbrushed” appearance. Does anyone else have these problems and long for the bygone days of textual interface?
As much as I need a solution to my computer/vision problem, I’m skeptical about vision therapy: a few years ago, I consulted with an optometrist (after a third and successful strabismus surgery) to inquire about vision therapy. The optometrist said he didn’t offer it anymore but recommended a practice that did, one primarily serving children. I got the impression that he didn’t think vision therapy worked very well, and because his wife counsels people who have learning disabilities, I tend to trust his opinion on the issue. Also, the largest vision-therapy practice in the region where I live (not the one recommended to me) is run by an optometrist who may provide good service to her patients but clearly cares MUCH more about her profit margin.
Before I open my wallet and raise my hopes, does anyone have any positive or negtive experiences with vision therapy?
Good Medusa, I encourage you to join our Eyes Apart Strabismus Support group at Yahoo if you want to hear a fair discussion of vision therapy. Many there have done vision therapy, and been helped by it, others didn’t find it helpful. There has also been a lot of discussion about “Fixing My Gaze” there, mostly positive.
You can also ask others there to recommend a good developmental optometrist (they are the ones who do vision therapy) in your area. There is a COVD doctor in the group as well, and he seems very fair in his responses.
Here is the link to the Eyes Apart Support group:
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/EyesApart/
Here is a link to COVD where you can search for doctors who offer vision therapy in your area:
http://www.covd.org/
Best to you,
Lois
Dear Lois,
I am 21 years, and have had strabismus all my life plus marcus syndrome(drooping eyelid) plus bad vision.
First of all I am so happy to have stumbled upon your website. Its a great job you are doing here.
This post of yours sooo rings true. The world is pretty judgemental, they say, but for a person with strabismus, there is no chance to be judged-you are already judged the moment somebody sees you. All my life, I’ve closed my ears to taunts, not listening to them because I know they will hurt me, but now, I must say, I have reached ‘a limit’…
I am just sick of ‘my silence’… I just want to scream out ‘Heyy look, don’t you dare scoff behind my back. My eyes may be squiinted, but your whole perception is squinted…’
Just a suggestion Lois, why don’t you add Facebook share buttons to the posts? This is definitely a post Id love to share, I couldn’t add more.
Thank you again:D!
(Yes, this is a pretty angsty post:), but there’s a point where pain is no longer bearable in silence:S)
Dear Lois,
This is my secound post on this topic wanted to know could I share this post on the yeah foundation website with a link to the eye apart strabismus support group.
Dulshani, thanks for sharing. Sometimes we do have to share our pain, I understand. Many times sharing helps us get on our feet again.
Great idea about the Facebook and sharing buttons! Thanks, I just added those.
Latoya, I will get back with you.
Latoya, yes you can share this post with a link to Eyes Apart at Yeah Foundation. I appreciate your interest. I’ve just had another look at your website, and you’ve done a lot of work on it since I last visited there. I wanted to look at it before I responded here, so I could mention it, but my eyes were not focusing well enough to do that when I was posting here last night.
I’m getting new glasses soon, and hopefully I’ll be able to see a little better then. I’d like to do a post about Yeah Foundation as soon as I can. Keep up the great work!
Hi, everyone,
I have had lazy eye all my life. It has seriously affected the way I interact with the world. I am looking forward to reading Fixing My Gaze as suggested.
I do believe that since most of us with this problem use what I call a Dominant Eye to “see” the world, I think we might also develop that area of the brain corresponding to that eye twice as much as normal seeing individuals. However, the toll I feel is on the lazy eye, which becomes less interactive and I feel sort of slow in reading and processing information in that part of the brain. I would like to know your thoughts on that.
I appreciate your comments
Love to all
Very touching post Lois. Keep up the good work!
Thanks Steph. I hope it will make a difference for some.
I have strabismus but you really can’t tell because the surgery I had as a baby cured the eye turning (but not the actual depth perception!). However, one of my friends has strabismus, and although her eye doesn’t turn very dramatically it is still noticeable. At least twice in the seven or so years that we’ve been friends, when she’s not around people have said to me, “Well, she’s nice, but her eye drives me CRAZY.” Imagine their surprise when I tell them I have the exact same thing and that I find their comments totally offensive, degrading, and just plain stupid. I mean, come on. It drives YOU crazy? Imagine how she feels having to deal with a world full of shallow morons who refuse to see what an intelligent, amazing person she is and instead focus on her damn eye. Grrr…..
I am 30 years old, and I have had stabismus all my life. Where do I begin, after reading all the comments I see in one way or another we are all in the same boat. My vision is actually 20/20 and I have never had double vision…I went to the doctor back in 2008 just to see what can be done to correct my lazy eye but the doctor told me surgery I asked him could I at least get glasses so at least the appearance of my eyes would be straight he said no, because my vision is too good…I cried…most people would have been happy to hear their vision is good, and I was..but I knew that the appearance of my eyes would stay the same…As I have gotten older I often times feel less than, and I feel that no one would want to take me out on dates, because of…and if someone does happen to ask me out, in the back of my mind, I think they really dont know what my eyes look like and if they did they would reconsider..I even have a hard time talking to family & friends who accepts me for me….and taking pictures u can forget it..I have a few, but I just cant take random pictures..I am tearing up as I write this because it affects me so, and only the people who are like us will understand..I told someone that I found a support group they were surprised because of course they didnt know that people have issues with this…I could write of book of all my hurts, pains, and everyday struggle cant we all..but I just want to be able to overcome…its like I am a catch 22….20/20 vision but misaligned eyes..I have plenty of friends and I can hold down a job and interact most of the time, but my social life as i mentioned is lacking..I have been asked out by a guy in particular that I have been knowing over 10 years, and I am afraid to be face to face with him, because I feel he will find out that I have a lazy eye..and of course after 10 years he should know..but overall I just feel ashamed, I have to be honest..and yes I am not blind and I am thankful for that..but I read somoene say somewhere but this has its draw backs as well..I just want to OVERCOME…
I have lost more control of my left eye starting when young, and I’m now in my 30s. I can keep each of the eyes together most of the time, but strain when staring at the computer screen all day for work. When I’m tired, my left eye seems to have less control. I tend to squint my left eye. I sleep with my left eye drifted to the side, with my eye lids closed of course……I feel like it has effected my intelligence too. My mind goes blank and I can’t process information very well when my eye goes through a drifting episode. It’s as if I’m Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Two personalities. I still have hope I can train my brain to keep my eyes together at all the time. I just need to follow the right eye exercise routine and be consistent.
Erick:
I find that idea of the dominant eye and the dominant brain very interesting. I have found that I can easily put on good grades with minimum effort, bt i am exceptionally socially awkward. But then, I am squinted in both eyes, however my right eye is dominant.
Hehehe, I like the part Lois, where you say “People are not incompetent or mentally challenged just because their eyes are not looking the same direction.”.
Even in university, I have to face that stigma. It would have made me laugh, if it hadn’t been so tragic.
Actually, I think, the people who are really mentally challenged are those who can’t figure out that there is no relationship between the eye and intelligence whatsover.
I mean, the way they seem to jump to that conclusion, there should be quite a number of Bio Nobel Laureates around!
I stumbled upon this website after doing a search for vision therapy. I am 21, have had eye problems my whole life, starting with congenital cataracts, strabismus, glaucoma, and low vision, and just had strabismus surgery on my right eye two weeks ago; but this was not my first. Actually, this is my 5th muscle surgery (9 surgeries in all) correcting a worsening head turn caused by my last surgery in 1994.
When I came out of surgery my surgeon was “cautiously optimistic” with the outcome, but changed my post op appointment from 10 days after surgery to just 4. I am very fortunate she did this because it appears that my left eye (the weak eye) is overcompensating for the new position of my right eye. It is now turned into my nose and causing severe double vision that is not lessoning. She immediately started me on prism vision therapy over the left lens of my glasses. I think I am at a power of 20 if that means anything.
Honestly, I am rather discouraged at how difficult this recovery is going to be. I estimated 2-3 weeks of recovery and then I’d be back at school working and enjoying my summer. It seems, however, that it will take much longer to be back to “normal.” My doctor is going to give the vision therapy a few months, but if the double vision does not correct itself then we can either operate on the left eye or reverse the surgery on the right-neither of which I am particularly excited about.
I think reading the comments on the post was most helpful-it is comforting to hear stories of people going through and feeling the same things as I am. My close friends always tell me that they don’t notice my drifting eyes and head turn; they think I am too sensitive and superficial. But I see how people look at me and hate thinking “which eye should I look at” or “maybe if I turn my head this way they won’t notice as much” when talking to someone new.
I would just like to pose some questions (if anyone has read through my entire, winded comment). What are your experiences with double vision post op? How long did it last before going away, or did it require more surgeries?
Thanks so much for this site! It is truly inspirational!
I am 23 years old, and I have a turned eye. I am very socially introverted, and the eye has a lot to do with it. People make fun of me to my face for it on at least a weekly basis, and when seeking someone for a romantic relationship, I have literally had men laugh in my face and ask me why I would think I was even a contender or remark that they can do better than a cock-eye.
I had one corrective surgery as a child, but it was ineffective. I am currently trying to train my eye with patching, but my ophthalmologist has insisted that I am simply wasting my time.
I spend a great deal of time feeling alone in the world, and I often feel like I am fighting against the odds just to get job interviewers to take me seriously.
With all the other advocacy and anti-discrimination groups out there I’m definitely starting to feel that we need a representative too, who speaks specifically for eye issues as opposed to general appearance, because many people with normally-aligned eyes really just don’t get it.
The person in the room with a lazy eye will be the butt of the joke nine times out of ten, and if you don’t play along and chuckle, the entire room gets stand-offish because you’re regarded as “too soft” or “unreasonable”. I’ve gotten to the point where I’ll make the joke before someone else does just to get it over with. Meanwhile, if someone made a person in a wheelchair the butt of the joke, it would be considered vastly unacceptable.
Finding this post made me feel a little better because it reminds me I’m not alone, but it also saddened me vastly to realize there are so many of us out there dealing with these issues.
@Sarah: I have always had double-vision, and although it improved with my surgery as a child, it’s still something I contend with. My doctor has told me that many patients who get their eyes re-aligned continue to deal with double-vision issues in the long-term because the brain has to re-learn how to process the visual information.
I’ve also been told that more surgery is rarely the answer, but that generally eye exercises will help (Eye patch and colouring book, etc. Lots of the same things they make kids do to see if they can first correct the eye without surgery). To my understanding, it’s more often a matter of time than anything else and your body will learn to adjust.
Kate,
thank you thank you and thank you so much!lol
I don’t even think I could have said it any better! I especially liked it when you said,
“The person in the room with a lazy eye will be the butt of the joke nine times out of ten, and if you don’t play along and chuckle, the entire room gets stand-offish because you’re regarded as “too soft” or “unreasonable”. I’ve gotten to the point where I’ll make the joke before someone else does just to get it over with. Meanwhile, if someone made a person in a wheelchair the butt of the joke, it would be considered vastly unacceptable”
– sooo true!!! And I’m just so relieved to know that I actually am not the only one who’ve always felt that way. I mean I don’t know why but it seems like everywhere I go there’s always at least one individual who would pick on me just because of my eyes – walking down the streets, going to malls and buy groceries, going to cafes, stores, riding in buses and jeeps, etc. It even seems to me that this “abnormalities” of our eyes is even more of a “big deal” to other people than to us who are afflicted with it! You know they will NEVER really get it – what we are going through, because they don’t know how it’s like to have this eye condition. I certainly don’t want to sound mean but I think the only time they will ever give us 100% genuine sympathy is if it also happens to them. Not that I’m wishing it to happen to them of course, but I just think that for people to truly embrace us ( our “looks” especially) as we are, then they would have to experience it firsthand by having this eye condition …something I doubt they could withstand even just for a day. It’s funny I guess, since the joke is not intended for them. I mean “EVERYTHING IS FUNNY AS LONG AS IT IS HAPPENING TO SOMEONE ELSE”, right? *shrugs*
I also liked it when you said we need a representative, someone who’s going to talk about eye issues. I actually want to share with you some of my ideas…well, they’re not really great. I in fact e-mailed this to a person who also has Strabismus probably a month ago but I haven’t heard from her. maybe she’s busy or maybe she wasn’t able to read it, etc. So I want to share these with you and know what your thoughts are about it… I hope you read this. I believe this is rather something we could achieve together… I hope you can e-mail me one of these days through my email addy: twilightofme@yahoo.com
Thanks:-)
Kate, by the way, were you the 2nd to last one commenting in here as well?
http://www.eyesapart.com/2007/10/20/social-confidence/comment-page-1/#comment-45523
lol I’ve got two posts in there..and I almost forgot to say sorry for my english too…not my native tongue *blush*
Mae, I’m working on a couple of ideas regarding your email from a month ago. My vision and other health problems make it hard for me to keep up, but I’m trying once more to get help for these needs. I’ll email you with more, but continue with any ideas you and others may come up with as well. As you said so well, this is something to “achieve together.” You have what it takes to get the job done! Keep pushing for it, and I’ll do all I can to help.
Lois
Hi Everyone
I have stabismus and after reading everyones stories, I dont feel so alone with it and in a weird way I feel happier. Ok I knew I wasnt the only one, but Ive never been really able to express how its affected my life as no-one understood. Luckily you all do.
Strabismus doesnt rule my life the amount it did as a teenager. Im now 31 and yes people still look at me funny and refer to me as “The cross eyed one” but at the age of 18 I seriously thought I would go my whole life not looking people in the eye, unable to get a boyfriend and being fearful of people with cameras.Those were bad times and im pleased to say I do find it easier to cope with now.
My strabismus is probably not excessive, my left eye turns in noticibly but not massively. If I look through my left eye it is horrendous my right eye floats to nowhere, but Ive trained myself not to do it. My main problem is pictures. I come out looking very strange and if Im videoed the same thing happens.(Doesanyone else look worse on camera?)
Bearing that in mind, I am doing something next week, something Ive always wanted to do which I never thought I would ever do with my conditions of Strabismus and depression. At the age of 31 I have thought “bugger it” and grasped the nettle.
I am going on telly. Next week.
Even worse, I am for some reason unknown even to me, I am going on The Weakest Link.
Yes me with the squint, camera in my face, lights shining in my eyes and Anne Robinson searching for something to pick on.
Im here because a part of my head said “You cant do that, youll be a laughing stock, you know how you look on camera” I started to think about not going on just because of my eyes. But I feel better now, and I will go on there and hopefully I will inspire someone else with the same condition. If just one person thinks “Hey shes cross eyed like me, and shes gone on the telly” thats great. If 100 people laugh. So be it. We arnt freaks, we just have an unfortunate condition that effects the part of our body people look at most. And if Anne picks on my eyes, I will accept it and hopefully see the funny side.
Caz x
Caz, way to go! I am not familiar with The Weakest Link, but I did a google search and watched a couple of short YouTube videos with The Weakest Link (Ann Robinson). I see it is on NBC, and I don’t get that with my antenna setup. But I did see a couple of YouTube videos of it with Ann Robinson.
I think it is great that you are facing down the fear and standing your ground to inspire others. Your attitude to accept and hopefully see the funny side if necessary is great too.
I’m hoping Ann and others will see the real side which is who you are and the courage you have in daring to stand up and show the world that we are real people.
Is the episode you are in going to be aired on NBC next week? What night is it on? (Just in case I am visiting someone that gets NBC). If there is a way to watch the episode you are in online feel free to post the link here after it airs if you are comfortable with doing that.
I’m rooting for you!
Lois
Hi Lois!
Thanks for the support!! Its not next week its shown though, Im actually being filmed for it! Im not sure when it airs yet but I will definately let you know when Im on!! (Ive been told there can be a bit of a gap between filming and it being on television).
I should be able to do a link to my episode when it airs as the whole episode will be on the BBC Website for about a week afterwards.I have a friend who is good with computers and Im sure he will find a way!
Ive been given my train times to Glasgow (where it is filmed)now, so it finally feels real!!
Once again thanks for the support, I hope I do you all proud!!
x
Sounds great, Caz! Something was recommended from BBC once before and many US readers were not able to access that website. After a few days, the item was on other sites where it could be accessed by US readers. I do hope it will eventually be on a website where everyone who desires to can see it. Whatever happens on the show, you are a winner already for taking this step! Do let us know how the filming goes.
Lois
Hi Lois
x
I did my filming for the weakest link on august 2nd and it was an experience Ill never forget!! It was surreal and the actual filming was, for me, quite nervewracking but Im so glad I did it! I am generally quite lacking in confidence so its been a huge boost for me! I wont say how I did though unless you want me to. I dont know when its on tv yet they will send an email to let me know. Ive no idea how Ill look, if Ill be really obviously cross eyed because of the cameras or whether it will look ok, but who cares I did it!!
Caz I’m happy for you. I don’t think I will be able to watch it from America on BBC or TV, but if it is available online somewhere else, I’ll be anxious to see it. You have taken a big step in this, and that is what counts! Congratulations!
Lois
I have had a squint all my life and was bothered by it confidence wise until I met a Sufi who said say to them ‘my eyes aren’t perfect but neither are yours’. I think he meant their eyes seek out fault hence are imperfect in spiritual sense. Remember God gave you your eyes so who can criticize His work?
I need advise, I’m a 44y/o male, I had lazy eye all of my life, my right eye would veer outward so at age 38 I had my first surgery, right eye was pushed in way too much, I ended with diplopia patching for 4 years, on 2010 I had my second surgery resulting in right eye’s vision is too much to the right and when i turn my gaze, too much to the left, so now i have a superimposed image on either side depending where i look, new problem, left good strong dominate eye is blurry 24/7, I believe it’s strained to the max so life as I know it resembles being on a cruise ship during a storm…. My question is: is there some way to bring back clarity to my good strong dominate left eye?
Hi Lois,
My Weakest Link episode aired yesterday! Im having trouble doing a link to the show, but its on BBC I player, Weakest Link episode from 9th November, on BBC 2.
Its as I expected really, I do look cross eyed, especially when I introduce myself because its straight to camera. I look like Im looking at the wrong camera! To be fair I was cringing at that point and wasnt very happy but it doesnt look quite as bad later on.
Im so glad I did it though and didnt back out.
I hope some one with a similar condition watches it and thinks oh if she can do it so can I!!
To be fair the maths question was more embarassing, I didnt hear it properly because I was panicking!
Im not sure whether to just put up with strabismus or have an operation, its a hard decision. It hurt last time and didnt work…but Id love to be filmed and have my picture taken and have straight eyes in the result.
Caz xxx
Oh it was at 2.15pm if that helps, forgot to mention that! x
Caz, I had a look at the Weakest Link programme and I can tell you that you looked beautiful and I would not have noticed your eyes had you not already mentioned it. I have been following comments on this site since June 2011 when I had surgery to correct my outward turning eye, unfortunately the eye was over corrected by approx 3-4mm and I am left with an inward turn, which I am not happy with really, the hospital have offered me Botox, and I will have this done in December, it has been a long 6 months of healing for me after the surgery. There’s not a lot of information out there about these problems. While I wasn’t worried about the surgery, I am very apprehensive about the Botox, as I don’t want to end up looking worse, but whatever happens, it’s a temporary fix, so any unwanted deviations will eventually wear off! It’s great that you appeared on the TV and your experience has helped me to feel more confident, and I am very sure has helped others too, so thank you for sharing with us.
Caz, I found the link
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0178q5m/Weakest_Link_09_11_2011/
but when I try to watch it says this:
“Currently BBC iPlayer TV programmes are available to play in the UK only…” It linked to the BBC iPlayer Radio homepage and said I could play that, but I couldn’t find the Radio program for Weakest link there. It’s late, though, and my eyes are tired. Maybe I’ll find the radio link when I am rested. Anyway, I didn’t get to see it.
Are you allowed to copy it and put on YouTube? I noticed someone had done that. I’m really glad you carried through with it! Sorry i am not able to watch it here.
Lois
Caz
Well done you looked fantastic. Your eyes were not obvious at all. About me I have just had 3rd op on left eye on 10th Nov. over 2 hours under the knife, surgeons words very challenging but interesting. So far pleased with outcome although eye at the moment is over corrected.
Lois
Thank you for this excellent site.
I’m glad you find this site helpful, Phil. I appreciate your encouragement and I wish you continued success with your surgery outcome.
Lois
I am a 23 year old graduate student and I hate the way I look because of my eye. I was called “cross eyes” growing up and it has really left me with little confidence. When I was in high school I had surgery to correct this. I thought that my problems were going to be solved, but it actually made my eyes WORSE. Instead of going inward, my bad eye was pushed severely upward. I had a second surgery and the result were pretty much the same.
I hate to look in the mirror. I hate to take pictures. I am studying speech-languae pathology and kids at the elementary school I interned at would laugh at me (during therapy) and ask what is wrong with my eye and why one eye was up and the other was down. I know that by now I should be used to it, but every time I see a picture or hear a ugly comment it hurts SO bad! Nobody understands. I constantly feel judged. I even had a guy tell me to get my eye fixed before I tried to get a man.
I am pretty much convinced that I will die alone and I’m scared.
Dear all of you,
reading the above was a moving experience for me…I was diagnosed with a lazy eye/strabismus as a child and spent a few years with patches and glasses, something that doesn’t really help you socially even at that age. At the age of 16 I had surgery, and was then devastated when I was told they couldn’t fix it to be perfect, only make it a bit better because otherwise I would develop too much double vision. Which I did, but I really see very well and it doesn’t bother me one bit, so I probably can call myself fortunate.
Everything said here about pictures…I know exactly how you feel, I have experienced all that, including the sniggering and the jokes. Still, maybe I was just lucky to have really, really good friends who didn’t care, and yes it was a problem with men in my teenage years and also after that, but somehow I think I also managed to find lots of nice guys and I have had great romantic relationships (and yes, my strabismus is something you can’t avoid noticing if I look at someone, it is by no means hidden). Maybe it was because I always have felt that my eyes are a part of me and that if I can accept them, other people will just have to cope and if they don’t like it I don’t mind embarrassing them by bringing up the subject. Actually, with nice people I sometimes did, also with men – saying “you know, I know my eyes sometimes make people uncomfortable because they don’t know exactly where I look. I can’t help it, but please look at this eye (pointing at the good one) and it will be easier for you.” I also taught children and had to cope with this lots of times, and the telling them of the problem made it much easier for them to accept.
Still, I haven’t done anything about this since I was 16 because I somehow thought it was my fate or something and I never wanted to deal with it again but just take it as something I had to learn to deal with and go on with things which was exactly what I did.
For you younger ones, especially women: it really is a big handicap to have eyes like we do, no question. But never ever go around thinking you will never get a guy or get married and have children because of this – try to boost your self image in other ways, by training and getting a gorgeous body and/or by studying and being an intelligent and interesting person, and maybe most, by being a wonderful friend to people you love. I can absolutely not accept that the alignment or not of someone’s eye should have that devastating impact on one’s life, and in my case, it hasn’t – and things also get better as you get past teenage years. And yes, I also had a man shouting at me once “who do you think you are, who would want you with those eyes”, after I had turned him down…I think one of the most offensive things a crosseyed woman can do is to turn a man down
anyway, it was good fun to see him so angry, and I got another much nicer man the day after. So please do not give up. Myself, I am now so empowered by this blog and by finding this info that I am going to contact a specialist and see if there still could be a way to make my eye better…that I think I have a lovely life (and husband and 3 kids and good job etc etc) doesn’t mean I would like to have two straight eyes. It would be lovely. But if nothing can be done, I am going to continue to have a great life anyway.
Hi everyone,
I read all of these posts because I was really wondering why there’s such a stigma for people with straubismus. I’m older than most or all of you and have had a “lazy eye” all of my life. I, too, have been taunted as a child and made fun of behind my back as an adult. I’m bright and fairly pretty, except for the “lazy eye”. I could never understand why I didn’t have dates as a teen. I guess I was “blind” to the reason of people looking at me as if I were flawed. I’m now married, have children and teach elementary school. Interviews were always touch for me because I couldn’t really look people in the eye. I decided to have a conversation about my eye issue up front. That helped to break the ice. I probably still get teased behind my back, but I don’t care anymore. Hope this helps all of you younger “lazy eye” sufferers.
*tough*, not touch